once again.

once, again.

fuck.

today i feel like this pair of chopsticks - snapped, broken. i couldn't find a better pictorial representation, or rather a more accurate one.

it's 3.16am, i have a test tomorrow at 8.30am, and i can't sleep after rolling 2h in bed.

it's because there are many things on my mind, a lot of emotions which i can't seem to put into words. speechless much.

year 1, he said, what's this invisible line that i see? that's wrapping their fingers round the free ends of the chopsticks.

year 2 and 3, this line got a little finer. it was still there, nevertheless. i studied very, very hard. it was spurred by fears and goals. fingers separated the chopsticks, till that first crack came at the joint.

mid year 4. i snapped. there the line was, solid as ever. the feeling of being constantly marginalised, beaten from left to right, up and down. being looked down upon. more than ever, the revision of friendships. the loss of trust. the absence of integrity. honesty to oneself. being left out. shady businesses, undercurrents, selfishness.

enough.

so are you happy now? you, and you too? you, especially?

i trusted. i'm upset, because i really trusted.
more so because i really, truly trusted.

i'm not playing anymore. it doesn't pay. i don't get anything from it. go ahead.

bite your own tail.

and don't forget to look who else is biting -

probably everyone else.