hec.tic.

year 3...is terrible. stressed. very...stressed. very, very, very stressed. if there were anything depressing in my life right now, it would be this. having nightmares for 3-4 nights in a row is no joke, especially when im living one right now. one which i can't wake myself up from.

im constantly on my toes. constantly thinking about work. constantly thinking about unfinished work, especially. constantly being reminded about my unfinished work. constantly doing projects. constantly thinking about the notes that i have yet to gone through. constantly thinking im really stupid. constantly thinking i can't do it. constantly being beaten, again and again, like a tight slap in my face every single day.

i walked. then i started jogging, and i started running. but the rest are running even faster. how do they do it? HOW. i really have no energy to. i don't remember how far i've run, and i can't see the end either. it's an endless marathon, it keeps going on and on. this is only so far my intelligence can bring me. beyond that, i'm helpless. i can only but run at this speed...so near, yet so far.

it can also be likened to a catching game. you run and i try to catch you. in the end, the faster runner always wins. and i'm stuck in this game. it's also like natural selection, the survival of the fittest.

welcome to my living nightmare; welcome to my life.