i don't know you

i wish i understood you better. or that you could be more straightforward, more frank and more honest. im not smart. i need it spelt out in black and white for me. i don't like to guess. i don't like greyness for this matter.

what are we?

am i your good friend? am i just a friend? or an acquaintance?

to me, you're a special friend. i won't say a good friend, not just a friend either. but i can say there will come a day, when you become just a friend to me. you're not a good friend of mine. i don't guess i know you well enough to say that. i don't suppose you've seen enough of me to be my good friend. but you're special.

because you're the first person i thought was friendly in camp. you're the one in the og whom i was happy seeing. you're the one whom i dared to ask to stay during ar. you're the one whom i've always been a little more interested in, yet you never really reciprocated. you're the one i tried to avoid, tried to understand, tried to get close to.

but you're not my good friend, and im probably not yours either.

so what are we?

why do you always ask me if im turning up for some gathering? does my presence matter, or you're just asking cz you just want to know if im going, for no particular reason? why do you jio me for your gatherings? why did you keep things in my fridge? why did you come to my room?

if, we were not close. if, we were not good friends.

did you think i wouldn't read much into it?

perhaps what happened last holiday, would happen again this holiday. going nowhere. full of unanswered qns. i guess, i will never really like you, and neither would you.