things change too quickly

2 wks of school, and i think a lot of things have changed already. since a year ago.

even just 2 weeks ago, things were different.

it feels like the whole world changed, but me. being an observer, i see things happening and changing around me while i'm still largely unaffected.

its not that i cant adapt, i swear. im ok, it doesnt really affect me anyway... its just very strange. how can people change so fast? friends = not friends, not friends = friends. ppl whom i thought i was close to, suddenly became close to other people. over the holiday, the period of time when i didnt get to observe, things happened without my knowledge... i kind of chose not to know, but nobody told me what was happening either. without questioning them myself, i wouldn't have known. that's the extent of my current friendships in uni. pathetic, i know. sometimes i feel sorry for myself too.

i havent given the most of myself i suppose. i could share a little more, care a little more, love a little more. but i kept some of it to myself. i think i'm a little too wary of this place we live in. i dont wish to share too much, cz i think this person probably has another friend out there whom he/she will share it to, and the feeling of sharing from the heart isn't mutual. it's scary when u bare your heart to someone, and turns out this person isn't worth your trust.

in the past i probably gave my all, knowing the other party will give his/her all as well. but now, everyone's just busy networking/socialising. who really cares?