i really want to

i don't know what i've been doing... what have i spent so much time for? did i get anything in return? now life feels so superficial. Without a problem, you can't make a close friend? its not easy making close friends. i dont feel unapproachable, or unfriendly. can people accept others readily?? its a matter of place. a matter of people. a matter of how loud the rest are. a matter of how you can be louder than them. a matter of yourself, myself for the matter. ahh.