give a rating from one to ten

emo man.

i miss everyone.

i cant seem to fit in anywhere else.

but the past.

sometimes i wonder if its my personality that's flawed. i cant connect well with people. i like to talk crap, but there are different kinds of crap you know. there's the kind that everyone will laugh and join in, there's another kind that leaves people speechless. apparently my sense of humour cant bring me anywhere.

im tired. not because of night runs, but because of me trying to fit in. i tried to talk. i smiled a lot. im grateful to people who respond and try to talk to me as well. i initiate talking to them myself beacuse i like having response. two weeks. that really tested my limit. today i couldnt bring myself to smile. i felt like an outcast. yet nobody really bothered. it REALLY made my day...

grow up maaan. why get so upset over such small things? friends right? u can find more elsewhere...u can stick to the old ones like parasites...right?

i dont think im a dull person. i can be fun. but in a different way perhaps. not in a way the ntu ppl define 'fun'.

i was glad to meet old friends. old friends who knew me when i was a brighter person. time kind of eroded me. sad to say~ but im only 19! but ive kind of grown out of certain kinds of crap.

now things are somewhat like beginning of jc. when there were so many 'scandals' in class. talk which i think is kind of childish and stupid. i think i was stupid to try and add in, today i gave up. that's not me. i mean a little gossip is harmless, when its meant to be shared as little secrets and discussed quietly.

i dont think im childish. but i think others think i am. what can i do?

sometimes my mind just goes blank when i talk to people. it's not that i want to. i just go blank. nothing to tell him/her. so this person walks away and moves to another person. two days. two days is enough for this person to completely ignore you. eventually you blend into the background. even making random comments dont make u anymore involved.

that's what happened.

sometimes i think im even more interesting than other people. but i just kind of get ignored. i feel like im trying to grab attention, but nobody's willing to waste time and effort on me. im becoming like what i think people think of me.

emo...