can i pull it through

im tired.

it's only been less than a week, trying to struggle with homework, revision and school.

1. it's the last week of school.
2. it's the last week of school but it's the 4th week to a levels.
3. homework consists of maths papers which aren't even humanly possible to finish within the time given, and the teachers go through it like it takes only 5 mins to finish one paper. HELLOO, each paper has 13 questions, and the time given is 3h okay?!
4. no more maths lessons from today onwards, so im not obliged to do any more papers, even though i have done my maths faithfully the past few days and managed to do what is required for tutorials.
5. i try to revise every day, which i've kind of succeeded this week.
6. Homework every day. every subject has homework and i tried to do them, which i kind of succeeded.
7. school gets in my way, gets on my nerves and needs to get out of my life.


as a result, i'm tired. i don't exactly know why i'm so tired. i think it's the flu, and the lack of sleep, and basically just school. if i'm just doing what's expected of me this week, and i'm already this shagged, am i gonna pull it through? how am i going to cope with what i've lagged behind others for the past few months? how am i going to regain my focus just like for promos last year? i was just thinking about this, and really felt like crying.

today felt really bad. i woke up tired. went to sch tired. trawled through the day, a day which i needn't have gone to sch and made myself suffer. i shouldn't have gone today. i could only leave for home at 1.30 despite beind let off at 12.50. i was on the bus for a freaking 30 minutes. FREAKING 30 MINUTES. the heat in damn stinky sbs 157 bus almost suffocated me and made me puke. everyone in my way got on my nerves. the whole world seemed to be staring at me and trying to obstruct me. come on, i'm just trying to walk home, can't u get out of my way and look elsewhere? do i look that weird? do i look that horrible? do i look that interesting that u have to give me eye contact? stop looking at me you asses. i reached home tired. i went to sleep. until 4, because i'm telling you I'M TIRED. i can't study if i'm tired ok?! can u huh? can u??

damn the flu. DAMN THE SUCKY FLU.

gp was hell. i don't know whatever i'm gonna do for the next 3 weeks is gonna help. i tried. honestly, i'm trying. i've been doing a compre every week. i'm going to start reading up. but who else can i blame if i haven't been studying? myself, right? i feel like killing myself. i'm really really really scared for GP. but i'm gonna say the same for all subjects.

econs. i don't know if i'm going to construct a miracle for a levels. i thought i was going to do well. if only someone can help me secure a sure grade, because nothing is definite and predictable.

chem. my only hope. my only only hope.

phy. i don't know what's gotten over me, all my basics have collapsed once again.

maths. i'm scared.





i'm stressed.
time is running out.
i still have to do this and that.
i still have to endure two days of school.
i still have to bear with the insensitivity of people during this period.
i still have to interact with those who will for sure succeed eventually,
worse still, encourage them.
i still have to fight that selfish me and the unmotivated me.
i hate it that i feel all hope is lost. it isn't. IT ISN'T YOU ASS.
i hate it that i've encouraged people and i've been sincere, and they don't return this favour.
in times like these, we all need motivation.
i hate it that i encourage others and i don't feel encouraged myself.
i hate it that people think i'm going to make it and put the idea of complacency in my head.
the truth is, we never know.

condition: nothing comes without effort. if i'm gonna sit back and do nothing, of course i'm not going to make it. provided i work, i will make it.





can someone encourage me? huh?

get 4As.
am i going to pull off this stunt?
my eyes are red, im tired.