i need to get this off my system

well. decided to blog this. i need to get this off my system, it's been bothering me for days on end and i HAVE to get it out. to whoever still reads my blog, jz use your own discretion. im not mentioning any names, think it through, its not that hard.

i read someone's blog recently. About the mugging in the class now. What can i say? after i read that, i had nothing to say at first. then after thinking it through, i got a little annoyed. after thinking about it even more, i got pissed. then after that i got kind of angry and insulted. perhaps i shouldnt have gone to read it, but i read it anyway and its been bothering me REALLY. first of all i wanna say, i dont think that was fair judgement. about the girls and guys.

the girls. ok yes we do mug hard, but dont tell me the guys arent doing that. u may think you arent, we may think we arent as well. ponning lessons, yes, but has anyone recalled the days when some guys ponned too? the only difference is, that wasnt nearing the promos period. so now, when some other ppl pon, it becomes something wrong. throughout the entire year, there are ppl who dont come every now and then, but it never really does seem to bother anyone. but for the nearing promos period, things start to change. and i have to say this, i only ponned 3 days this year, 2 of which from first 3 mths which are effectively not counted. even so, there are others who didnt come to school for more than 3 days this entire year. am i right or wrong? and those others consist of both guys and girls, i can safely say that. this is not entirely baseless, im sure a lot of us noticed their absence. this isnt purely a girls' problem. but it was written in such a way, it seemed like only we were doing it. Also, throughout the year, ppl have been hardworking, doing their tutorials on time etc. But there have also been others who havent been diligently mugging, and now they are to catch up on what they have lost out on, catch up with the other faster ones. they have to pass promos, unlike some of us who probably can already get promoted. There is nothing wrong with that, in my opinion. they have to study.

and about what we do during tutorials. perhaps some were doing other stuff, but ppl were probably catching up on homework too, and again, these ppl consists of both guys and girls.we all agree that homework at this point of time is such a big sucker and hindrance, but what to do? have to finsih it up. i can tell you, i still have undone homework, but i put it aside long time ago because i wanted to start studying. and sometimes we have ppl sleeping in class. food for thought here.

This isnt a girls-guys arguement here. its not the battle of sexes. it's not about how much scarier one mugs than the other. in truth, everyone is a mugger. accept it. everyone is. no matter how much they deny it, they are one. in njc, you cant live without doing that, and that is an understatement. ive learnt not to listen when ppl, esp the smart ones, say "oh man i havent studied this that blah blah","i havent even started" etc.. there's no credibility in it. it is probably a good gauge of where you stand in terms of revision, but frankly, nobody's ever satisfied with the amount and extent of revision they do, are they? ask yourself, have u ever felt that you have mugged enough, at least within this year? havent you always feel kind of unprepared and worry that you havent done enough? learn to trust your own learning and revision pace. if you study at your own target and pace, you wont lose out to anyone and most of all, you are doing yourself proud, because you know you are working hard. in short, everyone's a mugger, so theres no right or wrong about it. think about it.

gah. and last of all, i took it a little personally because i could relate to it. it could have been put in a better or nicer way, in a less demeaning manner. but most of all, i thought it hurt some people, including me. or perhaps insulted. i was even more ____ to see that wasnt an opinion of just one. someone whom i thought could figure out a fair judgement didnt do so. perhaps there was a bit of biasedness, against me or something. if there had been meant to be, i hope ppl can widen their perspective a little and think of the big picture. if because of this, there were to be unhappiness, then i cant imagine the scenario next year.

laying down your opinions on someone is easy, but jumping to conclusions from there onwards or keeping it permanent isnt good at all. dont use little things to judge people, because more often than not, they arent accurate. my friend told me that as we grow, we have more friends to compare with. we become more shrewd in judging friends. we set opinions of others more easily and after that comes all the bitching. i thought that was so true.

i think i have tried to be some people's friend. i have taken the first step, but now i think i may just stop trying altogether. if people already view me with a perspective in mind, then nothing i do will change it, will there? i feel that i took the initiative, but others arent being responsive, and this stops me from trying again and again. it's only when you interact, when there's an exchange of experiences/words, do people become friends. but if it stops at one party and it's just a one-way effort, i dont see how that will work out to be a friendship. if ive stopped talking to you, that's because i feel you've stopped responding. either i must learn to keep to myself, or others must learn to open up. i dont know which.

thanks to friends who have made me feel better over the past few days.