so much so much
so long never update le..almost 2 weeks le..long entry ahead k..
okie jz now i was having this biiiiiiiig headache... =( discussing smth with some ppl....it didnt turn out well, and i ended up pretty pissed...im glad it was just online discussion...cz no one gets to see my face.. yepp. but i didnt lose it.. im glad i kept my sanity well. gaahhhhhhh.... it reminded me of the days when i was leading. when i was leading my juniors, and didnt do a good job. when i was leading my juniors, thought things would be fine, then realised that i was doing it all wrong. when i was leading ppl whom i had high hopes of, and then later to end my high hopes of them myself. i made a mistake. a mistake that i unwittingly carried on until it was too late. i jz want to slap myself for this.
now...i fear leadership..i dont like to be the leader anymore, it's tiring. i took pride in being one in the past, long time ago, but now, i'm just tired of this idea of leading. as i grow and learn, i slowly retreat to taking the backseat. the enthusiasm has worn off. i dont want to be in the 'limelight' anymore. i have learnt to see others lead, to follow others and to be happy just doing my stuff well,albeit being a follower. but i dont deny this little pride of mine i keep away deep in my heart, the little desire of wanting to be a leader once again. what's keeping this little desire away is fear, the fear of failure. for the time being, i dont wish to experience that again.
anyhoo. yeah. was juz planning smth much more minor than anything else la. jz wanted to do it good cuz it would be nice to see them happy. i like to make ppl happy, but i guess only when i play a big part in preparing for it. i want to say that i like it when ppl are more sui bian, as in we get things done more efficiently, by being 'sui bian'.
ahh...its 12 already.. friday is gone already. now i dread school somehow...i dont feel like gg to sch...the intensity of lessons are getting to me..the homework is getting to me...the busy jc life is getting to me. when will my big break come.. i dont want to waste my weekend..again.
malay dance.. will be v stressful in days to come...for weeks on end..i can predict myself going into depression mode as performance day approaches.ARGGGHH. throughout this week...i had thoughts abt my first choice.. i know i would regret it somehow, someday. for now, im jz trying hard to keep it from surfacing so soon. i can hear myself shouting to myself,"DONT THINK ABT IT!!" talked with yingjie and yirong at grandstand today.. aft 3 march, i may be very disappointed. we had a rough count...we predicted abt a little more than half of the class to be staying..gah.
had so much thoughts n reflcetions this week.cant possibly type everything down here. anyway we went round the sch taking pics today lol...so gao xiao. we took pics almost everywhere lar. pond.arnd oasis.hall (illegally).canteen. for the past two weeks or so, yirong has been going arnd with her cam...so to add on, chem lab,classroom...cant wait for pics to be loaded into the yahoo grp!
okie....soo...i'll cya all ppl on mon! go n join the yahoo grp arh.
swen: link u ok? haha...
yirong: dun get proud jz cz i said i would miss u..since im staying..that statement doesnt stand anymore. =P
okie jz now i was having this biiiiiiiig headache... =( discussing smth with some ppl....it didnt turn out well, and i ended up pretty pissed...im glad it was just online discussion...cz no one gets to see my face.. yepp. but i didnt lose it.. im glad i kept my sanity well. gaahhhhhhh.... it reminded me of the days when i was leading. when i was leading my juniors, and didnt do a good job. when i was leading my juniors, thought things would be fine, then realised that i was doing it all wrong. when i was leading ppl whom i had high hopes of, and then later to end my high hopes of them myself. i made a mistake. a mistake that i unwittingly carried on until it was too late. i jz want to slap myself for this.
now...i fear leadership..i dont like to be the leader anymore, it's tiring. i took pride in being one in the past, long time ago, but now, i'm just tired of this idea of leading. as i grow and learn, i slowly retreat to taking the backseat. the enthusiasm has worn off. i dont want to be in the 'limelight' anymore. i have learnt to see others lead, to follow others and to be happy just doing my stuff well,albeit being a follower. but i dont deny this little pride of mine i keep away deep in my heart, the little desire of wanting to be a leader once again. what's keeping this little desire away is fear, the fear of failure. for the time being, i dont wish to experience that again.
anyhoo. yeah. was juz planning smth much more minor than anything else la. jz wanted to do it good cuz it would be nice to see them happy. i like to make ppl happy, but i guess only when i play a big part in preparing for it. i want to say that i like it when ppl are more sui bian, as in we get things done more efficiently, by being 'sui bian'.
ahh...its 12 already.. friday is gone already. now i dread school somehow...i dont feel like gg to sch...the intensity of lessons are getting to me..the homework is getting to me...the busy jc life is getting to me. when will my big break come.. i dont want to waste my weekend..again.
malay dance.. will be v stressful in days to come...for weeks on end..i can predict myself going into depression mode as performance day approaches.ARGGGHH. throughout this week...i had thoughts abt my first choice.. i know i would regret it somehow, someday. for now, im jz trying hard to keep it from surfacing so soon. i can hear myself shouting to myself,"DONT THINK ABT IT!!" talked with yingjie and yirong at grandstand today.. aft 3 march, i may be very disappointed. we had a rough count...we predicted abt a little more than half of the class to be staying..gah.
had so much thoughts n reflcetions this week.cant possibly type everything down here. anyway we went round the sch taking pics today lol...so gao xiao. we took pics almost everywhere lar. pond.arnd oasis.hall (illegally).canteen. for the past two weeks or so, yirong has been going arnd with her cam...so to add on, chem lab,classroom...cant wait for pics to be loaded into the yahoo grp!
okie....soo...i'll cya all ppl on mon! go n join the yahoo grp arh.
swen: link u ok? haha...
yirong: dun get proud jz cz i said i would miss u..since im staying..that statement doesnt stand anymore. =P
posted by yanjun @ 11:39 PM
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